Nature Photo

This is a picture I took in the Muir Woods in July. The Muir Woods are located North of San Francisco.

*Nature knows the secret and smiles*

Jen

Online Dating

I have been telling a lot of friends about how I met my boyfriend, and I have to tell them over and over that we met online. I think online dating is not as taboo as it used to be, but we are human, and using technology to find love is just weird.

I am here to say that it worked for me, and if it worked for me, it has the possibility of working for anybody!
But there are some things you should know going into it...

First of all you need to be willing to be honest about who you are, and how much of yourself you are willing to show the dating world. That goes for regular dating as well and online.

Second: You can tell a lot abut someone just from their picture! Are they smiling? Can you see their eyes? Do they look honest? And on a lot of these site, one is able to pick a lot of photos to show their lifestyle, and who they are. Pictures tell a thousand words!
I would pass on guys who had pictures of themselves in front of cars, or professional pictures of them without a top on, these types of guys have an ego, and are most likely going to care more about their needs rather than mine.
Same thing goes for women! Are they smiling? Do they have kind eyes? Are they showing off, or just showing who they are?

Third: Are they wliling to talk about themselves? We are asked to describe who we are and what we are looking for on these sites, and you really should not be out there if you really don't know. I would run across profiles that had guys saying "I'm not sure what to say here, I'm a nice guy looking for love." that is not someone who is willing to put theselves out there and be honest about who they are! If he's willing to describe his himself, and willing to describe what he's looking for it makes it so much easier! And there's a chance his humour may come through the page. That's what happened with me; my boyfriends profile actually made me laugh out loud, and that was all it took to drop him an email.

Fourth: Get the initial meeting in out of the way. You may meet someone online, but you have just met in a virtual world. There are chances you have great chemistry from afar, and he or she may look like your match on their profile, but there is the one last key. Will you like each other, or will you "click" in person? The sooner you know the answer to that question the better. I was sooooo nervous going to meet my man for the first time, but it was worth finding out, and it turned out for the better. He on the other hand had been dating for a long time, and meeting girls from online, and he says that once you do it once, it gets easier from there.

Go on! Put yourself out there, and see what happens. You never know what you will find! For me it was a real confidence booster getting lots of winks and emails from people, even if I was not attracted to them in return. It just means you are not alone out there, and that there are tons of people looking for love in all places, even interactively!

Jen

New Horizon's

I Finally put in my 2 weeks at work, so I can find work closer to home.
I moved so that my commute went from 10 minutes (traveling 3 miles) to an hour (traveling 14 miles). Not so fun!
So finally I am looking forward to finding work close to home, and will be able to focus more on my path and direction.
I'm good with kids, I love helping other people, I'm awesomely musical, and have some fun hobbies.
So now's the time to sorta listen to my heart, and that little voice inside and hear what it's telling me.

I got news last night of a dear friend, who's struggling with direction in her life. And I left her a message this morning to call me. I seem to be able to help others find their paths better than I know how to see or find mine. It sounds like she's not doing music (which she should!) and she's just partying all the time, and it's obvious she's making herself numb so she doesn't have to face her discontent.
Face your discontent, and things will change for the better. Listen to your discontent, and it will push you in another direction! Journal it!

I was dicontent with my pay, and with my commute, so voila I'm doing something about it.
I'm discontent with my long term goals, so I'm looking into grad programs, because all I know is that I want t help others.

Here are some phrases I have learned to live by:

• Change the way you look at things and things you look at will change
• Feel the Fear but do it anyways
• Don't make excuses for him
• In general people are stupid
• Never let the audience be an indication of how you are doing
• Comfort makes you stupid
• A ship is safe in harbor, but that's not what ships are built for
• Kill'em with kindness
• Take a risk learn something new about yourself

I am looking forward to the fall time, and all the fun events I have planned with friends and family! Life is not yours to keep, it's yours to enjoy and be happy in. And always continue to learn!!

Jen

Rollercoaster

I need to take a minute to lift my head and take several very deep breaths. Ever feel like life is moving way too fast, and can be hard to cope with?
I keep thinking, okay, I'll just get through this week, and then I can just relax and things will calm down and I'll have some time to myself.
Um, not so much...
For me that next week is just as crazy as the week before, so now I'm just preparing for what might surface next week.

• At the end of September I moved out of my apartment, and moving is never fun in 100 degree weather. I was burglarized (while home alone) the 2nd to last night we moved out, and talk about terrifying!
• I had recenlty settled a huge mess with my employer finally, they had been witholding my paychecks from me!
• Then I think I had a week of peace, somewhat, and the next week we had the whole world in our office. I became the best office monkey in the world! I worked my tail off along with others to make sure things went smoothly for our global directors from around the world. That was a stressful couple weeks. That week I got a call to do a gig as well, on the night of my little bros birthday. I had to find a replacement for my other gig and had to sing at another party, while missing my little bros birthday. Grrrrrrr
• Then my car broke down for the 2nd time in 2 months. It's scary to be in the middle of gridlock in hollywood at a red light and your car beginning to overheat! I had it towed to one place and then another, trying to find a good mechanic who could work on my car. $1000 later I had my car back in good shape. I still can't believe I've put more money into my car than my own health.
• Then dad came to town and we had a mini vacation to Disneyland! That was beyond fun...
• Now this week I'm still waiting to receive a lost paycheck from work, and I have to be in court tomorrow morning to testify against the man who burglarized me in August...

I must begin to look at the bright side of things! I think I always do, but this town is rough and unforgiving. C'est la vie...

Well, I have learned about patience, and that life will throw curve balls at you. It's how you handle it that shows your true character!

Cheers, and go Red Sox!

Jen

Happy Friday!

Ok, so there's something I like to do at my desk every Friday to get my mind off of work, and to broaden my scope on what's going on outside my own life.
It's called "the week in pictures" and it's on msn.com.

The photos are incredible and sometimes outright emotional or disturbing. They are meant to show what goes on around the world in the past week, and each set is of about 8-14 photos.

Everyone should feel free to take a couple moments out of their day on Friday to reflect on what's going on around the world. And to do that through pictures is priceless, and powerful.

The link...
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/3842331/

Let me know waht you think!

Jen

Family Ties

It seems to me that the most important things in my life are my family and my friends, and the type of relationships I have. This is why moving away from some of the most important people in my life has been so hard.

Granted I am in the midst of a new beginning, a time to create my own life, create new experiences, and get on my feet in a strange new environment. I have certainly learned that taking risks can be scary, but can be beneficial to one's character, and personal growth.
Each day I miss the life I grew to love and adore, and I wish I was home for birthdays, anniversaries, family gatherings, parties with friends, creating new memories.

I remember the moment so vividly in my mind. It was the day I knew I had to move to Los Angeles. I was riding on a train in Europe with my family, and I think we were traveling from the south of Spain to Madrid. I had my headphones on listening to music, and a voice inside me said "you have to go."
So for about a year and a half I worked hard to earn money for the move, and struggled all the time with whether or not it was the right decision, but I knew I needed to at least try, and see what was to come.

On a weekend in April I had a long heart felt conversation with my mom about moving back to Seattle. And that was it, I was mentally preparing to move back to Seattle after being in Los Angeles for one year without a great job and without the love of my life, music! Then that same weekend I met the man I have recently moved in with. At that moment, I knew LA was not through with me.
Suddenly everything looked different. I was hanging out with someone who has been in the city for 5 years, and new the right parts to show me. I was seeing nature again, going on drives to the ocean and the mountains. And then music came back into my life.

Things are much brighter now for me, and it took time. I have a solid base of friends, and I have some family, and I'm creating new memories for myself. I just can't wait to share it all with the ones I love who are not near me!!

J

Seen it all

Living in a large city as Los Angeles, I've been exposed to many things. In a sense I've seen it all.
Often I see a guy who stands on the median of a major intersection and he is always hitting the sign post with his one crutch. Passing by him in my car, I see that his skin is flush red with crazy, and his eyes are glossed over with hunger, pain, and insanity. I think to myself this guy is the type you'd see in a mental institute, and here he is roaming the streets of Los Angeles for money.

Once I went to the mall on my lunch break to purchase a new pair of shoes for an event. I parked and then went to get on the elevator being sure to let the young woman with the baby stroller to get on first. I smiled nicely at the woman, and allowed her to proceed. Once in the elevator I looked down into the carriage or the stroller, and there was no baby. It was a small dog, with a toy next to it, and a water dish. I laughed inside.

I was getting off the freeway one time and had to stop at the light. I look over to my right and saw a guy in a wheel chair stand up and stretch, and then his friend sat in the chair. It was the funniest thing to see these guys use a wheel chair for sympathy only, as they begged for food or money.

My boyfriend and I went to a Dodgers vs. Anaheim baseball game, and once the game was over we witnessed a major fight between men below us in our section. Granted I have never really seen a major fight take place in front of me before, so this was shocking to watch.
One guy who had been taunting the dodger fans, got kicked, beat, punched, and thrown over the seats. By the time 5 guys had kicked the living shit out of him, he was bleeding from his ear, and his pregnant wife or girlfriend was trying to clean him up. Eventually security showed up, but not until all the damage was done.

Living in a crazy neighborhood such as West Hollywood, there is a lot to see especially around the holidays. Men dressed as women, women dressed as men. Dance clubs with men dancing half naked on pedistals. And not to metion the Haloween carnival thrown every year, it's a site to see.

I'm sure I'll recall more crazy incidents.

Fun stuff!

J

Foreshadowing

I was recalling the other day my first visit to LA after passing by the hotel I stayed at on my first independent visit to this place. It was the winter of 1997 new years. I was a freshman in college, and I thought it was so cool that our football team had one all of their games. Some girls and myself decided we should drive from Washinton State to Los Angeles, CA to see the rosebowl, since our school was playing against Michigan that year. That was 1998 Jan. 1st.

The girls I came with were all from a small town that never new traffic, and had only one stop light. I on the other hand had been raised in a big hilly city with a stick shift. So I was the one to drive all around Los Angeles while we visited.

I remember driving through West Hollywood, thinking it was so nice, with all the Palm Trees. We stayed in Westwood at the Doubletree just off Beverly Hills. That also was nice!

Now I am living here and thinking about how far I have come since then. It's amazing to think about how I didn't really know anything about LA, and I embraced a visit with drive and excitement. So now, I really know the city, and have come to the conclusion that; once you get the chance to live in a place like Los Angeles, and if you can handle it, you can live anywhere.

It's fun to take some time and relfect on what makes me who I am, and how much I have put myself outside of my comfort zone not even knowing if I could handle it, and growing from my experiences.

Makes me wonder.

J

Fahner

I woke up this morning so sad and upset because of the dream I had. I was crying so hard in my dream and when I woke up, I had no tears, but they started coming.
I dreamt about my grandfather, I miss dearly who passed 8 years ago. In my dream he drowned near the ocean, and I was saying to my family that I hope he didn't suffer, and then we all started to cry. It's that crying that is so mournful, and full of sadness. In real life he passed from a massive heart attack in his home at the age of 81.

It's the middle of August, I'm at work listening to christmas music and sipping my hot coffee flavored with milk and sugar. And the memories of christmas are flooding my head. My grandfather along with most of my family were all fantastic musicians. So each christmas party was full of singing, and loud wonderful music. My mom at the piano trying to keep up with the singers who included my dad, my uncles, and me. My cousins played their instruments as well, but no ones energy compared to my grandfathers. He stood 6'4" and had a tenor voice that could cut right through an orchestra. He could have had a prefessional career as a tenor, but he chose to be the big fish in the small pond instead and took care of his family. He was a man with the biggest heart I'd ever seen and had the best sense of humor I know.

I now see myself in him, and it's the greatest thing in the world to see so much of myself in someone I love so dearly. I promise to follow my career in music as he did, and share my gifts with others as he did. He was also a talented doctor, who cared so much about people. I am so thankful that I knew him, that he's a part of me, and that I got the chance to sing with him in my younger years.

He's missed.

J

Summer Craze

It's summer time in Los Angeles and I find that the months are wizzing by me, and I can't seem to get a grip! So much has been going on in my life, that I'm starting to realize I need a minute to breath, take it all in, get some perspective and then move on.

We all need to take some time out for ourselves, to reflect and listen to that inner voice that tells us how we are doing.
How am I doing?
I am tense, I find I'm a little tired, and not getting enough sleep, and that my schedule is full.
This sounds like most people...
Do yourself a favor and take a minute each day, or a weekend to just be with yourself and your thoughts. Reflect on where you've come and where you are going, you are bound to learn something profound about yourself.

I am looking forward to a weekend where I can stay on a beach by myself, bring a journal, bring some soothing music, take some walks, and get a massage. That is my dream weekend right now. And I have a boyfriend who understands that this is something I need to do for myself.

Life is busy and it can get so crazy in a place like Los Angeles, but if you can, carve out some time for your peace of mind, and to find some time to recharge the batteries, our perspective and gratefullness will appear and we have renewed energy.

J

Those little things

I was thinking the other day about what makes each of us unique and makes us different from the person next to us.
Things that I know about myself, that are just the way I am...
I love eating popcorn and finding those kernels with the small white puff on the top, and I bite that puff off from the kernel, and I let it melt in my mouth.
I adore driving, or being a passenger in a car blasting really really good music.
I can not only curl my tongue, I can make it a 3 clover flower.
I love listening to music on these amazing headphones I have and knitting while sitting up in my bed.
I love Christmas movies, no matter how bad they are, same goes for baseball movies.
I love any form of chocolate with nuts, preferably almonds...
I am meticulous about my handwriting, especially when writing a letter, I have to make usre it's aesthetically pleasing to the eye, have been that way since about 8 years old.
I love taking a weekend get away at the last minute, even if it's by myself.
I'm sure there's a ton more, but they are not flowing from my brain as fast as I'd like...

It's just those little things about us that are so fun.

Your pal Jen

grateful

I am so grateful these days for what my life has been so far.
I have been blessed with the most incredible and most loving family. Not to mention the amount of laughter that goes on in our daily lives.
I received an incredible education at some amazing schools with even more amazing teachers.
I have been able to travel a lot in my 27 years, and have fallen in love with it.
My friends, the hobbies I've aquired, I am a lucky spirit that is surrounded by love all the time!

I was chatting with someone last night about how we were brought up, and I have certainly had more exposure to certain things in life compared to him, and so therefore our views are different. So, is this what happens? When someone who has never been around gay people, has never had a friend or family member who is gay...is it easy then to make judgements about them, and feel that they are bad?
I am trying to think of something I'm "afraid" of, or something I have a major judgement about because of my lack of exposure... that's a hard one because I'm so very open to all aspects and walks of life. I'll have to think about that.

I am grateful for being able to accept and love every single person in this world! I used to not think that way, but I was not far off. I see everyone as having a purpose on this earth, and see and understand that people are brought up certain ways, and I have a hard time with those that judge, those that are not open to the possibility of love, the possibility that that gay man or middle eastern man sitting next to you at work is actually more like you than you think.

I have a grandfather that is extremely smart, and very conservative. For a man who has developed a law firm from scratch, that is located internationally to not have the intellectual intuition that perhaps there are people who are gay working in his law firm, is beyond me.

well, just my thoughts, and I'm sorry they are so scattered, I am not the best writer by any means!!!

til next time

your pal jen

hemp cereal

Well, I had an audition this afternoon that I decided to not go to because I as not feeling it with their music. I'm really glad I listened to how I felt about it rather that just going, doing it and wasting time.

I got to go to lunch with people from work for the first time today.
We actually walked about 4 LA blocks which is like 1/2 a mile!!!!
We went to a great sushi place, and I'm sure I'll be going back. It's nice to find good sushi places, and I find it is very very popular in LA.

I am looking forward to being more creative with my art, and getting the supplies I need to make it happen. And the supplies I need are not very expensive! I also met a guy who sandblasts glass, and he said he could cater to my needs! And the best part is that he happens to live 2 blocks from my house.

I got a call from a friend from my old job today at my new job! She just called to say she missed me and that we should get cocktails sometime! How cool is that? It was so great to hear her voice let alone get a fun invitation to hang out!!

And what is is about boys, I am sort of putting myself out there, and I'm finding that guys can be very aggressive about wanting to get to know a girl. I have had a couple guys ask for my number right away before they even check to see if I'm crazy or not...
Perhaps this is all childs play for some girls, I am just not used to it, I guess I have a lot to learn?

And I am thinking of sending my friend Stephen a gift for his birthday which is next week.
I just met him, and I have a hat I have been knitting for awhile, and thought I might just end it and send it to him, plus a box of hemp cereal from Trader Joes...what a great birthday gift.
Hippy cereal, and a hat to wear that I made. Am I getting old or what!!! LOL

your pal jen

Long gone

Well, it's been a long time since my last blog, and I believe it's time for another!
I have been working at this great adverising company that builds and maintains web sites for major companies as their receptionist.
Now, this place is vastly different from my last place, THANK GOODNESS!
I felt I was in a living hell at the last job.
People deserve appreciation for anything they do for a job...

I have lately been thinking about whether or not I still want to be living in LA. I came here for one reason, and that was to see what I could do with music. But what's the point of doing my music without being able to share it with the ones I love...

I also have other dreams that include owning my own dog, pursuing my sandblasted glass art, studying french in Paris, and being very very active in the outdoors.

I could have these dreams anyplace, but Seattle is a place where I have always had the most amazing quality of life. The water, the friends, the mountains, the traveling to and from, my amazing family...

So, now I am faced with a new adventure in LA. Trying to be on my own in a strange place. Meeting new cool people. But my heart misses my home so much I cry everytime I think about it. Is that normal?

I must assess my dreams and realize what is important to me in life, and follow my passions no matter where that is.

Your Pal Jen